|View looking south from my front porch|
Standing on the front porch looking out at the back end of our property, I was talking to the Lord. I sometimes stand at the edge of the porch and look toward the woods. If I get there early enough in the morning I can see some deer making their way out of the woods, over to the cornfield which sits right next to us. The woods are home to many a wild animal. I know this because my son-in-law Jake, has strategically placed "Deer Cams" at the end of the field and let me tell you, we have some pretty amazing pictures!
I was holding my Bible close to my heart as I had been praying. I realized that there was something in there that the Lord wanted to say, so I opened it and this is what I read out loud:
"To You, O Lord, I lift up my soul, O my God, I trust in You; Let me not be ashamed; Let not my enemies triumph over me. Indeed, let no one who waits on You be ashamed; Let those be ashamed who deal treacherously without cause. Show me Your ways, O Lord; Teach me Your paths. Lead me in Your truth and teach me, For You are the God of my salvation; On You I wait all the day. Remember, O Lord, Your tender mercies and Your lovingkindnesses, For they are from of old. Do not remember the sins of my youth, nor my transgressions; According to Your mercy remember me, For Your goodness' sake, O Lord." ~Psalm 25:1-7
Reading it out loud was like proclaiming God's Word, His promise over me. As I read, I realized that He was reminding me that He had heard me. He saw me lift up my soul to Him. He saw me put my trust in Him. He also reminded me that He knows full well of the ones who have treated me badly, and He will deal with them in His time. They won't triumph over me, by putting me down or making remarks about me behind my back. Those things are trivial and of no importance to me, nor to the ministry that God has called me to do. But He also showed me and reminded me that the sins I've committed in the past are just that. In the past. Every day He is teaching me this and helping me to move forward in a new light...HIS LIGHT.
A month before I was beaten down, withdrawn, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually a mess. I had been verbally abused by various women (and some men) throughout my entire life. The only person, other than the Lord, who knew what my potential was, was my husband, Don Athen Wilburn. Thank God that he never gave up on me! Thank God that GOD never gave up on me!
God hasn't given up on you, either. He wants you, just the way you are. He has something for you to do. But you have to trust Him. You have to bring everything within you to Him and just be honest. Be honest with yourself, and with God, and just tell Him; "Okay, I can't do this my way anymore. It isn't working. You know that. So here I am. Forgive me Lord, and use me for whatever it is that You've called me to do."