Friday, November 2, 2012

Running, Running, Running...

It seems as if I've been running & didn't know it. I haven't gone anywhere. Just haven't payed attention like I should. And the funny (odd, not ha ha) thing about it is, I have felt like something changed, but couldn't put my finger on what!

But reading the blog of a friend put things into perspective for me. I haven't been to The Stoop in a while. It has been so cold in the mornings that I haven't ventured outside to my porch, where I usually stand and talk to the Lord. Being that a couple of mornings it was in the 20's outside, I just couldn't stand there. Because not only was the temperature so cold, there was a breeze along with it, and I was already chilled INSIDE the house! And you know what? I can make excuses all day long for not going to The Stoop. The fact still remains that I've been running.

I get into these little "funks" from time to time. I shy away from prayer like it was the plague. I begin to feel as if I'm bothering God because I seem to say the same things every time I talk to Him. Doesn't He get tired of hearing it? I begin to feel as if I'm not a "productive pray-er" so-to-speak.

Growing up, I was afraid to pray...because I had gotten in trouble at home for doing it, after a particularly bad episode with severe depression. Praying then became something I was afraid to do, for many years... but I eventually figured it out, with a little spiritual help.

So, when I read about my friend and how she experienced a "soul quenching" one night when she walked out into her orchard to find her lost dog...then realized how beautiful and quiet and soul quenching it was. Because she could see the stars, feel the breeze, and just felt peaceful and in the presence of the Lord. And I felt jealous! Can you believe it? I felt jealous! 

That's when I received a little prompting that I hadn't been out on The Stoop and I hadn't made an effort. So where was God through all this? Waiting. He has been just waiting for me to get my act together and figure myself out. He's never been pushy. He's never been derogatory. He's never even MADE me talk to Him. But I always feel bad when I don't.

And the best part about all of this is that, even though I flit from time to time...God NEVER leaves me. He understands me. He loves me. He waits for me. And never, I mean never does he throw my mistakes back at me. I never have to worry or be afraid. Yes, I mess up. But when I come to Him, He's there, ready to listen. Ready to comfort. Ready to love me, just as always.



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